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05 August 2006 @ 05:53 pm
Project Runway 3x04  
Title: Project Runway
Episode: 3x04: Reap What You Sew
Author/Director/Artist: Bravo/Heidi Klum
Media Type: TV
Reviewer: charlotteschaos
Summary: The fourth episode of Project Runway.

So the episode starts up and I'm all hot on it because there's someone who's going to be kicked off and I've spent the entire week being reminded of that fact. Since I'm a shameless slut for spoilers avid internet researcher, I knew it was going to be Keith and had heard everything from "it's over books" to "it's over his sketches." I thought the sketches were the most plausible because who would get kicked off a shower over verboten books? Keith would.

Evidently looking vaguely Jude Law-ish didn't get him out of this batch of trouble. First he left his dog naked, then he claimed to fashion jewelry and now he's reading books. What an evil, evil man.

I don't really see the problem with books, really, or sneaking off to use the internet. I get the point that he could've copied someone else's design and fooled the judges and all, but isn't most of fashion derivative anyway? But it was the rules and while it's acceptable to break some rules, the book rule is holy.

However, you can put granny anuses on your crap skirt and that's just fine.

Seriously, someone shoot Angela.

Anyway, this is all just a preamble to the actual show recap.

Heidi walks out on stage and tells the designers that they'll be designing for I.N.C. -- the Macy's brand. Now, I'm not sure what happened with Banana Republic but I've read about that whatever happened, BR was so irritated they asked Tim Gunn for the clothes they gave him back. Including the socks. So if you see Tim's socks for sale on Ebay, dump out of BR stock like now.

Angela gets all excited about designing for I.N.C. I picture a wardrobe in bubble with rosettes. It's an ugly picture. But then Alison comes onscreen to wipe away the bad.

They decided to mix it up a bit with the models, giving ALL of the designers the chance to swap out rather than just the winner. While I didn't care much for S1's constant model involvement, last season was pretty dull with everyone being nicey-nice and giving those models no reason to maintain their eating disorders.

If they weren't with someone who sucked utterly, they'd be picked by the same designer. I don't know if they were all just nice, or if the designers were just too lazy to change up the measurements week-to-week. Either way, it wasn't very fun and I like it better this way. Mix it up, give me reason to know who the models are aside from the Elongated Marshmallow woman. Haha-- that still cracks me up. Stay-Puft models are the best!

Toni's told to learn to walk and Tim starts giving the designers the low-down in the work room. We're introduced to Mahmet Tangoren who is Macy's VP of Sportswear and is also a vampire created by Anne Rice. Well, maybe the second part isn't quite true, but it sure sounds like something she'd name a vampire. But really, we all know he's not a vampire because all vampires are hot and while he's not without his charms, he's no Lestat.

Besides, with the Auf that went to Malan, we all know that Project Runway will not tolerate the machinations of the undead. Besides, Anne Rice wouldn't sign over the rights to Malan Breton. Bitch.

I miss his giggle.

Oh Malan, you had me at "Muha."

So anyway, not!vampire tells everyone who the Macy's customer is. It's a bunch of meaningless crap and everything was ho-hum until Tim mentioned that there will be teams of three this time. Mahmet and those in his not!thrall will be judging sketches.

Immediately, I'm excited. Angela doesn't sketch. She won't sketch because she recognizes on paper how silly those rosettes look when she does that. Consequently, when she does decide to sketch, she leaves them off. I'm worried.

The designers present their sketches. Keith is still around, so he talks about a shirt that turns into a dress. Very Transformers. Kayne says that he likes color. Yeah, Kayne, we've all seen your hair. Vincent thinks grey is the next brown. No one gets what that means. Angela has a decent-ish sketch with a model that has earth worms for arms. At this point, my hopes aren't up for her leaving because I know Keith's leaving because I'm a h0r due to being informed, so I'm thinking no one's going. But damn, I can taste wanting her to be back in O-hi-o. Her inspiration is the Umpire State Building. Actually, I think she said Empire right this time, but it's so much funnier my way.

Mahmet chooses the team leaders: Robert, Bonnie, Keith and Angela.

Okay, so, I was stunned, but I thought she'd do something so fucked up that it would be her team to loose and she could be booted.

Kayne looks ticked. Fortunately, he's hot that way.

No one wants to be on Angela's team because she's a freakazoid, but Michael Knight is called up first. I sigh and hope he's not gone over this, but he's competent and Angela picks Laura KITT next, and if anyone can beat someone up on PR, it's Laura.

Robert takes Kayne. Also, he selected him for his group, which was pleasing. Then he chooses Vincent. Like, all right. Jeff is definitely the victim of some horridly misguided body art, but he's not Vincent. But whatever. I assume he chose Vincent because he'd be easy enough to lock out of the bathroom when he and Kayne take breaks.

Keith gets Alison and Jeff. That is such a beauty and the beast team. They've worked together before and while it wasn't great, at least no one put space epaulets or rosettes on anything.

Bonnie has Uli again and then... Bradley. Again, I don't get how Bradley wasn't picked before Vincent. All Bradley wants and needs out of life is a water pipe. It's so clear. I guess maybe he made eyes at Kayne or something. Who knows? The teams are done and everyone's feeling all right about it.

Then Tim says that the fashion chosen will be sold in Macy's. Everyone fakes being shocked. Angela breathes through her mouth some more. Then Tim says they have a budget of a whole $100. For three pieces.

Make it work.

Tim tells everyone to caucus. Robert talks about his dickie. A lot. Vincent isn't impressed with a dickie. Laura tells Angela what time it is with the color palette. Keith delegates the hard work to everyone else. Bonnie does a team bonding... thingy.

Later at Mood, there's a lot of material debates. Laura kicks Angela into submission, then acts like there was a compromise. I like to imagine there were swirlies involved. Keith talks himself into free fabric by offering to pretend to be Jude Law and sign autographs. Jeffrey is jealous because he is not Jude Law.

In the workroom, Bonnie is hard on Bradley. Bradley's just high and rather adorable. I didn't like him at first, but then I started drinking while watching and he makes more sense.

Then, the shit came down.

Kayne's also lucky he's so endearing or I'd call him a narc all over the place. Narc! Narc! Narc! At first, Kayne was uncertain whether to mention the books or not. I'm not sure how Kayne found them when Keith is in an entirely other apartment than Keith. And they were under Keith's bed.

I'm going to daydream in NC-17 mode about what happened between Kayne and Keith that caused Kayne's head to drop over the side of the bed to see under it now. You can, too. It's all right. This will wait.




Done? I'm not.





Kayne talked to Robert about whether he should turn Keith in or not. Robert said, "Oh yeah. Get rid of him." I think Robert also had some thoughts about how Kayne happened to see that and Was Not Having It.

Tim Gunn was roused from bed to come and Have A Talk with Keith about having books, using the internet, and running off for a while to do so. To his credit, Keith was pretty quiet during Tim's lecture. He wasn't so, "rules don't apply to me" as he had been earlier in the show, because clearly, they do. He was told to get his shit and leave and that there would not be any money on the dresser for him.

Keith apologized to the guys, but then got defensive. He was still rather impressed with himself as a designer, though, so he seems to be taking it in stride.

The next day, Tim gave a tender and reverent explanation that Keith was caught with porn and that he was told to leave Bible camp Project Runway. Alison and Jeff were left to finish their three piece design as two, told that it sucks to be you.

Everyone gets to work. Bradley is a squid without an ocean, an eagle without a sky. Both. At the same time. I'll have what he's having.

Robert gets shit from Vincent AND Kayne about the flight attendant skew of his design. Then, I found out where Michael Kors is. Robert said, "Kayne has the taste of a love-starved hyena." I perked up and tilted my head like a dog hearing its master's voice after not seeing him for far too long.

Michael Kors? Michael? Robert, let me talk to Michael. We need him back to get the rosettes off of the motherfucking runway. Come on, Robert. Let us talk to Michael.

Three Faces of Kors. I guess this is why Robert's turning orange, too.

Meanwhile, Angela starts making her granny anuses to put all over the suit. Michael Knight can laugh because he knows KITT will save him. And, KITT does save the day by suggesting the rosettes as buttons. You can tell she has five kids. Way to negotiate. Now, let's talk about her paint job. Actually, let's don't.

Moving on.

Tim compliments Alison and Jeffrey on how well they're doing without Keith and then the montage of sew-age begins, ending with everyone lying around in bed. Kayne rationalized being a tattle tale and Jeffrey waxes optimistic on winning.

The day of the runway show, Tim tells them to "Make it work," and we discover that Robert likes to dress his living Barbies as skankily as I used to when I was a kid. The slit up the back went all the way up to her ass. Obviously, this was an execution error, because I'm not sure anyone would accuse Team Queer of wanting to see that much, but whoa momma, I had some Zulema-tastic flashbacks.

Alison and Jeffrey were pretty pleased with themselves, and for good reason. Michael Knight handled the styling, which was just another way to keep Angela from doing anything stupid at the last minute. That KITT is one smart vroom-vroom.

Heidi comes out and observes the obvious to bring us up to date. La, la, la. I wonder what she's wearing and if she's picking up fashion tips from Angela. Seriously, wtf was with that top? Vera Wang is still there, seeing the good in everyone. I love her, but her positivity is making me sad in my pants. Michael Kors... please come back.

Team Angela's outfit walked the runway looking quite sassy. I'm pretty sure all Angela had to do with it was the sketch and the rosettes, but whatever.

Team Robert's outfit came down and... well, no one really got why the outfit was put together. It was like a nun was worried she'd be caught in the rain and when she bent over, the back of her skirt ripped. Bad Barbie. No Ken for you.

Team Bonnie went retro in that brown slacks with side tab sort of way. The model's hair was teased out ala Foxy Brown-era without the moxie. Color palette was boring and later, when the huge swing coat came off, the cowl neck tunic was just ridiculous (Reversible? Really? Why?), even with the belt.

Team Keith Short One Member had a very strong showing with the fitted trousers, but the gimmicky top was irksome and the jacket still looked bathrobey. Still, I'd totally buy those pants.

The top scorers are announced and it's Team Angela and Team Short One Member. My early prediction that Angela would wear a bubble skirt was dead wrong, alas. I'm going to assume that Laura hid them. All Angela had left were more of her green pee-pee pants. Either she's in a skirt where you can see her religion, or pants that Jay from Season 1 left behind. She kept wiggling her legs in excitement. It's sad-making that Angela's going to get the credit, but while she feels vindicated, I'm not sure any of the other designers or watchers really buy that she did much on it. But still, it was her concept and it worked well.

The bottom scores were therefore Team Robert and Team Bonnie. Now, while I thought that retro without the irony was more unforgivable than a nun left out in the rain, I was terribly nervous for Robert. At times, Project Runway judges are unpredictable and we lose people who are doing a good job in favor of others that took more chances (waves to Katherine.) It's good tv, but vexing.

But, in the end, Bonnie is out and Robert is left to think perhaps there's something to be said for lovesick hyenas.

Next week it appears that Michael Kors is back from Loompaland. I actually squealed happily, filling in what he would've said about Angela's bubble skirt looking like a fishbowl that had been dumped out in the 80s and refilled with jelly beans. Oh, come on, you know that makes about as much sense as he ever does.

Still, we missed you, Mr. Kors. Don't ever leave us again.

Also, they are modernizing another fashion icons. There's a lot of those out there, aren't there? I'm hoping it's a new look for the Statue of Liberty. That crown is so 1880s.
Current Mood: sillysilly
Current Music: Crowded House - I Feel Possessed
Draco Malfoy-Potterdm_p on August 6th, 2006 12:26 am (UTC)
Thanks GOD Michael is BACK! We need some SNARK (Besides that between Robert and Kayne of course) back in the hizzey!

And *does the happy dance of Keith destruction* So glad he's been booted.
Subterranean Homesick Aliencharlotteschaos on August 6th, 2006 01:09 am (UTC)
I know! Bring back my Michael! Robert channels him at times, but he's not the full tilt Michael that we know and love.

Keith's pretty to look at but he did himself a huge disservice by speaking :|
no owner no censor: allison PR Season 3lafiammatabella on August 6th, 2006 01:01 am (UTC)
We're introduced to Mahmet Tangoren who is Macy's VP of Sportswear and is also a vampire created by Anne Rice.
LOL She actually has a woman, Maharet, in Queen of the Damned.
I miss Malan so badly.
I think Robert also had some thoughts about how Kayne happened to see that and Was Not Having It.
So who do you think would win in a bitch fight, Robert or Keith? I put my money on Robert. Keith would be too afraid to mess up his pretty face.
I am sooo happy in the pants that Michael Korrs is coming back. Only he has the power to get rid of Angela and her anuses of doom.
I actually went to Macy's today (got Ralph Lauren for 75% off! Squee!) and there was Team Bubble Skirt Anus's outfit. I actually saw someone checking out the rosettes. Sad, sad little girl.
Subterranean Homesick Aliencharlotteschaos on August 6th, 2006 01:08 am (UTC)
Yes, Maharet! :D The name was so similar I had to giggle ;) Mahmet is probably listed on that wall of children of hers. With a little Macy's star.

Robert would totes win, man. Have you seen his arms? Goodness. He'd break Keith in half.

And yes, thank God for Kors's triumphant return. I hope he apologizes and explains his defeat of the Vermicious Knids!
phaballaphaballa on August 6th, 2006 01:23 am (UTC)
I was hoping Angela would go home SO BAD and then... wtf. I mean, obviously it was all Laura and Michael, who are my two favorites, but seriously.

And okay, so what's his name, free spirit boy? Is *exactly* like this guy I dated last year. For a second he seems endearing and adorable, and then you just realize he's annoyingly insane, and probably an actual alien. See, I was drunk when we hooked up, and for many dates after, and when I finally sobered up... wasn't pretty.
Subterranean Homesick Alien: duckiescharlotteschaos on August 6th, 2006 02:37 am (UTC)
Bradley! Oh yeah, Bradley is the sort of boy that you give an apple to when you want a bong made out of it. Because really, he's not that interesting unless you're drunk or high.

Michael was an early favorite. Laura is interesting, even more so after this episode. I still love Kayne, even if he's a narc. And Robert's so sassy. ;) But I worry because I think he got another "that's so plain" comment from The Gunn. Never a good sign. Think Hyena, big man!
Araythea: shoe fetisharaythea on August 6th, 2006 02:08 am (UTC)
Much, much love for Michael Kors being back. He is sorely missed.

And I have to say in each season there is someone I can't stand, and it's definately Angela. She is....I don't even know. Her pants(that she was wearing, not designing), with the orange dots on her bum really bugged me.

Almost as much as Jeff's throat tatts. Those really get me too, and that's saying a lot considering my brother is a tatt artist. I'm used to seeing some pretty disturbing ones.

I miss Malan's evil little laugh. I adored it, I was hoping it'd be this season's "Tim impersonation by Santino" for me. I was enjoying having something to snicker about.
Subterranean Homesick Alien: Club Charcharlotteschaos on August 6th, 2006 02:31 am (UTC)
Angela and Vincent, although Vincent was at least tucked away this time. I still don't get why Robert chose him. That was so weird.

Angela rubbed me the wrong way from the start. Her "I'm too sexy for Ohio" attitude made me want to stuff something in her mouth.

And The Neck. Raar. He's a wannabe Santino. It's so gross.
Araytheaaraythea on August 6th, 2006 02:39 am (UTC)
Ugh. Vincent, how he made it past the first show, or even got on the show is just unexplainable to me. I have NO idea why Robert would have choosen him, it makes no sense to me.

Jeff is definitely a wannabe Santino.:(