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14 August 2006 @ 03:39 pm
Project Runway 3x05  
Title: Project Runway
Episode: 3x05: Iconic Statement
Author/Director/Artist: Bravo/Heidi Klum
Media Type: TV
Reviewer: charlotteschaos
Summary: The fifth episode of Project Runway.

To set the scene, there is the usual recap. Again I stomp gleefully that Keith is gone. He's hot and all, but man-oh-man, what a brat. Bonnie's gone too, but she was but a whisper in the wind-- someone who was going to leave eventually so... meh, why not now?

Intro and... designers are waking up. Jeffrey's annoyed that Angela won. You and me both, brother. Well, no brother. I dislike Jeffrey, but he's right on that. Robert frets about being boring. I fret with him.

Heidi comes out on stage and the tables have turned, my friends. The models are picking the designers and there are quite a few surprises! Of course, this also leaves which models are going to be leaving up to blind luck over who is or isn't drawn out of the bag. Makes the model competition a bit of a sham, but oh well. I don't really care about the models. When I want to see hungry bitches catfighting, I watch America's next Top Model. But as they're picking their own designers, you can tell they're happy not to just be the hangers anymore.

Angela was the second person picked and... I guess granny anuses are making a comeback. Whatever. The really hot model chose Michael, so all was right with the world. Bradley was left to the last, which... he was a boy without a bong. I can't imagine that he could concentrate like that.

In her imperious, Germanic way, Heidi announces to the designers that they will be designing for a fashion icon. The designers have all heard this before. There are a lot of icons. They're all, "yeah, yeah, icons everywhere. Which one?"

"Ten of them."

"Wha- wha- what?!?!"

"And your models will be choosing which one for you!"

"O rly?"

"Ya rly!"

"No waiiii!!!!"

Cut to the models standing before pictures of ten has beens fashion icons of the past. They're told to go and you'd think they were fighting over a calorie-free doughnut. RAWR!!

So, I'll confess. I can't be arsed to learn the names of the models so much, so I'll just go by designer. Kayne got Marilyn, which... yeah. Laura got Katherine Hepburn, Robert Jackie O, Alison Farrah Fawcett, Vincent Twiggy, Jeffrey Madonna, Angela Audrey Hepburn, Michael Pam Grier, Uli Diana Ross, and Bradley Cher. Now... let me just say that when it comes to pop culture, I don't know Back Street Boys from N'Syncm but I'd have sort of a general idea of boy bands, yeah? But Bradley had no idea who Cher was.

No idea? For serious? I could see Uli not really knowing Farrah, because she hadn't been born yet, but Cher's um... still pretty current. How can you be a fashion designer and have your head that buried in the sand?

Whatever. I was super-excited to see the rest of the designers' work, because they all seemed so very well matched. These models are way smarter than your average bears. Or they lucked out.

Vincent pretends to be someone else sometimes. He's talking bell sleeves and I'm already excited. Not because I think it'll be good, I'm just hoping he'll be gone.

There was drama in the workroom over the machines. Angela, in her usual overcompensatey way, ran in to defend herself. Jeffrey, in his usual 'I rule, you drool' way, took the opportunity to tear into her. I was sort of hoping they'd strangle each other. Instead, Laura broke it up and Jeffrey did his duck imitation. Yeah, I dunno. They haven't had much sleep, I guess.

Michael feels like people gang up on Angela. Maybe so. Michael just thinks it's irritating, but denies he's playing "Captain Save a Ho." I wonder what ship Captain Save a Ho mans. I bet it's a pirate ship. I want Michael to design a fresh look that updates pirates. Pirates were once a fashion icon, you know. But this week he's going to stick with Pam Grier.

For whatever reason, Michael is allowed to talk to his mummy, which is sooooo cute that my original affection for him is multiplied by ten thousand. Or something. I loves me a momma's boy. Vincent has no idea what he's doing. Week 5. Yeah. I don't get why he's still there either.

Robert, by proximity to Vincent, gets wrapped up in the warm of wtf-ness and borrows linen. LINEN. The blue was fucking perfect, you twatwaffle! STEP AWAY FROM VINCENT!

In irony of ironies, Jeffrey asks Vincent about a Woody Allen movie. I hold my breath for the inevitable world implosion. Alas, Bradley's shiny, ugly metallic top scares away the end of the world with its sheer baffling badness and once again, we are spared the apocalypse. Vincent wants one for himself. A shirt, not an apocalypse. I think. You know, I just don't know anymore.

The models come in and the designers pretend to be happy with this. Michael is unhappy with the dress he created and goes back to sketching. Bradley sees that he doesn't know how to sew pants. Again. But little is done. Kayne's model babbles. And babbles. And when Kayne hides from her, she babbles at Robert. And Michael. Caffeine diet pills make a girl jittery, y0. Be nice!

Nathaniel Hawkins comes up to hawk more of the TRESemme line. They talk art direction of hair and then they hear the Grand Prize of being featured in an ad in Elle with their model. There are loads of flashes of the company logo and the various products. I think fondly of Pantene.

Tim Gunn comes in to tell everyone far too late about where the mistakes everyone's making are. Robert is wishing he had a bit more of a hyena's taste again. Hyena boy himself is complimented. Michael thinks about hotpants, Tim says he hates them, but they're so hot right now. Bradley is fucked, Tim advises lube.

"Runway day, kids!"

Everyone's very excited, and sleepy. Michael hadn't finished his hotpants, but he's Michael Knight and we know that KITT would help him if he needs it. He fits the hot pants to his model precisely and went to sew. Robert's experiencing doubt, but... he has to move on. Kayne decides that the best accessory for his model is duct tape over her mouth.

Michael Kors is back, looking thinner from the War in Loompaland. But he's still just as sassy and what a relief! Mean is back on the runway and thank god. Heidi comes out looking like an updated fashion icon for Logan's Run. She announces there is no immunity this time and no one is surprised. Diane von Furstenburg is there, a fashion icon that they didn't update.

Alison's look came down and... I just don't get it. High-waisted is in? Really? The top just looked poorly-made and I didn't get the black/celadon coloring at all. I couldn't see Farrah in this. The waist makes it look matronly and there was nothing sleek about it. Ugh, big miss. The stripe in the back just... yeah.

Bradley's came down and the only thing that was missing were those fake googly antennae. Heidi was right, it looked like a tacky Halloween costume in One Size Fits All, that fits no one. I don't even know how he could've made that work. He needs weed, y'all.

Angela's was a'ight. I wasn't nearly so hot on it as the judges. I thought the dress was just plain too similar to what was in the photograph, she just threw some floof on it, which I thought bulked it up.

Kayne. Well, the back was weird and made his model look like she had a big butt, but it was quite impressive, given the time. The only thing that really bothered me was that... well... it's a pageant dress and I worry that he keeps making them. Much like Uli's entry is another halter dress. Yeah, I get the patterns are neat and pretty, but at a certain point, you start wondering if they're going to bust out of that. Still, both dresses were beautiful and had a definite wow factor.

I think Laura nailed it, although I was a little less about the mom-pants. But it was simple and elegant with a touch of manliness that was indicative of Katherine's style. It might've been a little retro, though, but not necessarily in a bad way.

Vincent. Vincent is a wackadoo. But worse than that, the dress looked cheap and Wal-Mart-bound. Maybe it was the gingham cross over the front, or the Brady belt... or the... wtf was up with those pockets? Maybe he was trying to get the idea of the "little girl dress" that Twiggy tended to wear, but the dress was quite literally something I could imagine a little girl in the 70s wearing-- if her mother didn't have enough money to buy her something attractive. Go home, man.

Just as my eyes were blistering, Michael Knight saved the day with a hot pink sultry hotpant outfit that just nailed it. There was nothing retro about it, save for the hotpants, which are supposed to be "so hot right now." Now, having seen plenty of Pam Grier on "The L-Word" I'm not sure she'd actually wear the bottoms today, but I could see her working that top. I thought it was the obvious choice for the win and was shocked to find I was right!

Okay, Robert? Let's talk about rope belts and Jackie O. No, let's not, because I'm sure if you've seen that sentence now, you see how those things do not belong together. I don't know, man. It was just... I don't think dull is the right word. A mess. I feel like he's not going with his gut now, which makes me sad. I don't think he's boring, but now he's second guessing everything and falling apart. We know you're more talented than this, Robert! Just ask Barbie! She'll tell you!

Jeffrey. Erm. I've read around that he's Santino's friend. This dress... yeah. I can see it. The corset was neat, but the fabric stuffed in was just... not Madonna, sorry. She's never looked like a corset-wearing bag woman before. I don't think she's going to start now.

So, as I've mentioned, Michael is the winner. He wins the ad featured in Elle but enjoys no immunity. However, he dances a little jig on stage and I have a favorite now. I love a good jig.

Kayne really could've won it, I just think that maybe had he tried something out of his safety zone; he might've been rewarded for it. But still, the gown was gorgeous. He does what he does really well. Okay, so Kayne is another of my favorites, but Michael really did nail it. Angela's looked crooked to me. It didn't look lined up properly and the flowers on the hem just made me wrinkly my nose.

I was disappointed to see the bottom two as Robert and Bradley. Not Bradley, because clearly, wtf was with that? But Vincent was further off than Robert really was. Vincent had retro in the worst way-- almost as Halloweeny as Bradley's. I agree with Diane von Furstenberg that linen was the biggest mistake with Robert's. Not because i h8 linenzomg! But because linen just... wrinkles like mad. I mean, it's comfortable and all, but wrinkly!Jackie O... not so much. I wish he'd stuck with his powder blue fabric.

But really, there was no worse than Bradley's outfit, so he was out. He's a reality television star without a show. See ya!

Next week, Angela tries to dry hump Michael again while Laura looks on in annoyance. Laura has her own problems with a bitch fight with Kayne. The kids are all taken out on a field trip somewhere in New Jersey after being told that the next few challenges were going to get tough. Mmm Project Battle Royale. I can't wait.
Current Mood: crankycranky
Araytheaaraythea on August 14th, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC)
Vincent's was seriously WTF.

Not as bad as Bradley's though. Man, it's a shame they won't give the boy some special brownies or something. If it doesn't wake up some creativity and skill it'll at least be amusing. Or would have been, I'm kinda blah about him being gone.

I saw Robert's and cringed. Not that it was super horrible, and I really thought that Vincent should have been in the bottom two with Bradley. But it looked nothing like something that Jackie O would wear. And that belt? no.

I really loved Kayne's dress, but I thought the back and her bum looked a bit off. Not just big, but something else.. maybe her ass is crooked? :P

I will grudgingly admit that I like Angela's dress. I was pretty surprised. Just don't let her be a Wendy Pepper who I swear just got through for the drama.

Michael rocked like a rocking thing, but I didn't doubt he would. He's awesome. :D I'm trying not to totally hate Laura but she bugs me and I think her head is crooked.

Or mine is. *shrugs*

I just did not get Jeff's. I was totally confused by it. They said that Cher was the chameleon but comeon Madonna? He had so many choices and came up with the one thing I could never imagine her in.

Subterranean Homesick Alien: PR - michaelcharlotteschaos on August 14th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
No, Bradley definitely had to go. But still. Leaving Robert out there made me sad. It was bad, yeah, but... Kee-rist.

Yeah, the back of that dress was off somehow. I just... yeah. I liked it a lot, I really did, but I was thrilled that Michael won. He's made of awesome :)

Laura... I dunno. She has her ups and downs. I want to see more from Alison!!
viverra_libroviverra_libro on August 14th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC)
I agree about the back of Kane's dress -- I think that the gathering of the black net wasn't even at the top of the butt. It looked like there were more folds of it on the right side (as you're looking at the model walk away from you down the runway) than the left, which is what made her ass look oddly rectangular.

I totally agree with you on Bradley and Robert. And about Angela's just looking an awful lot like the same dress. Although I will say that I thought the rosettes (fleurchons? did she call them? whatever.)were feminine and cute.

Omg only two days until more!! :D
Draco Malfoy-Potter: Awesomedm_p on August 15th, 2006 03:42 am (UTC)
Yeah, I think Kayne addressed that at one point in the show...that the back was off...(maybe I imagined it...)

And I say this every fucking time, but OMG why are VINCET and ANGELA still THERE? They were cut out of the same CRAZY fabric! They are effing INSANE!

I'm going to miss poor Bradley...he reminded me of one of those really horribly ugly dogs that you couldn't help but love...