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17 August 2006 @ 06:07 pm
Runaways Issue #19  
Title: Runaways
Volume: 2, Issue #19 (released 8-16-06)
Author/Artist: Vaughan/Norton
Media Type: Comics
Reviewer: aphrodite_mine
Summary: The repercussions of issue 18, the Nico fallout, the Boobalicious Duo, and New Plotlines.

Previously in Runaways…

Last month's issue left us brokenhearted with the murder of Gertrude Yorkes, snarky purple-haired martyr of the Runaways. Just before she died (from a wound inflicted by pimpcane!Geoffrey Wilder) in the arms of her boyfriend Chase, she gave him telepathic control of her dinosaur, Old Lace. Now Gert's dead and buried and Chase is on the loose, full of more than the usual dose of teenage angst and toting a stolen copy of the Pride's Abstract and a decoder ring (one that didn't come in a cereal box).

This month's issue…

[First off, correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the Dragonball Z phenom long since died? It kind of makes me sad that they are still making new video games. And the fact that it's only coming out on PS2 and computer probably says something. (No offense intended, of course, if you're a fan. I mean, Victor probably is.)]

On to "Dead means Dead, Chapter One." Note to Runaways production team: The pictures of The Runways on the "previously" page seriously need an update. Our crew has been through some serious changes since those pics were 'taken' and if new readers are even going to recognize the characters, the names and faces need to match recent data. Also? The fact that Gert's gone even from this first page makes me wibble.

The story begins months ago back at the old base, the La Brea Tar pits museum (which always reminds me of this one fic I read awhile back, but that’s pretty much off topic…). It takes me awhile to realize what's going on, because there's a mound of dirt, and everybody's looking all sad and when I say everybody I mean everybody cause GERT's there. (Another side note: Nico, Gert AND Karolina's outfits are all Hot Topicalicious here. Seriously, I love those tights, Gert.)

"It's buried," says Gert, "Let's move on with our lives." But Karolina kindly reminds her that she's not an it, she's a you. Oh, curse you BKV, curse you and your nasty wasty flashbacks!

They have a discussion about plots, and how it's not our Gert who's buried in this one. The double-speak here is so thick I almost have to wade. After all, according to Gert, they call it a plot "Because this is how every story ends."

Nico is quick to jump on that one. "This isn't a story, Gert." Oh, Nico. If only you knew. If only you knew the things you did in fanfiction. With everyone. But then, that isn't that different from normal, then, is it? [Note: I LOVE NICO. End note.]

Nico is worried about Gert's fate, after all she saw the memories of future!Gert, and saw the attack by Victor (which, omg, is hard to believe knowing the Victor we know now). Chase would rather just kill the guy, rather than risk losing Gert again. "Do you know what it's like to feel the freakin' life slip out of someone?" DO YOU SEE ME WIBBLING, BKV?

Gert does. Karolina reminds those of us who are either just tuning in or who have NO MEMORY (like me) that this is when Chase "almost drowned." (Also, Karolina looks freakin' hawt in this frame.) Chase corrects her, "I did drown, Karolina… but Gert brought me back. She saved my life."

And now Chase Stein's gonna break a ho's neck! …unless his girlfriend tells him not to. "Sweetie, if and when somebody shuffles me off this mortal coil, you can scorch the earth avenging me," Er… foreshadowing much?

Gert's apparently got "an annoying long life to live." Or, you know, not.

[The Covenant. That's a movie that I'm… not gonna see.]

And now we're back in the present. Actually, it's today. As in, TODAY. Like, right NOW. But, in The Hostel, so a much cooler place than wherever you are, reading this.

Victor looks depressed and Nico looks kinda… cockeyed (omg no pun intended *jumps off cliff*) but suggestively under the covers of her bed. "Nobody can ever know about this, Victor."

Yeah. Except the hundreds – thousands? – of fanpeoples who read the advance pages online and totally broke the internet. Sorry Nico, your secret's out! Personally, I take a more sympathetic view of the situation and will refrain from calling Nico "slut" or "whore" or such phrases in this recap.

That said, perhaps there should be less clothing. I think it'd make a lot of sense for Victor to be shirtless here. I mean, I don't think anyone would complain.

Anyways, Vic's understandably pissed that Nico's all vow-of-silency. After all, "I came to you. I initiated this, Nico. And I didn't do it because I was scared, I did it because I… I mean… I think you're really—"

"It doesn't change the fact that this was cheap." That? Was seriously cold, Nico. They start to fight over what Gert would have wanted (really, she probably would have stayed out of Nico's sex life unless it involved Chase…) but it's okay because Nico really just needs an impetus to cry. Poor thing.

Nico finally just overflows, she tells Victor that when they were in kindergarten, Gert "hid all my My Little Ponies in the woods because she said they didn't belong in captivity." And I dare someone to be the first to write a slash fic about the scarf story. Aaaaand—Go!

Nico and Victor hug, and all is right with the world again. You know, sort of.

[From the folks at abovetheinfluence.com – NOT EVERYONE IS DOING IT. (just Nico!)]

Meanwhile, Molly's having a chat with our resident FULL robot (that would be Leapfrog). The 'frog tells her that Gert's body is located "five-and-a-half feet below the earth several meters behind the Hollywood sign." (Okay fanpeoples! Go set up a grave!) But that's not what Mollykins meant, she meant her soul.

[Hey, maybe Gert would still be alive if she had drunk more milk… Just a thought.]

Leapfrog's GPS can't figure out if Gert is in heaven or not, but after Molly berates it ("Then what good are you, you freakin' jumping thing?!" – which happens to be an awesome insult for a 12-year-old) the 'frog is all like, "Ohhh yeah! My GPS is working now! Yep! Heaven!"

Poor Molly, she believes it. "For reals?" Oh, Molly, you are the cutest thing ever. Leapfrog says that Molly should probably consult "Master Stein" (*giggles*) rather than him on whether her parents are in heaven. Molly says "I don't wanna make you sad, Mister Frog, but my parents told me I should never lie, not even to make someone feel better about something."

Leapfrog: KZZT ER? (Which I suppose translates to something like, Ehhhshit.)

Molly, sweet lil Molly, puts on Gert's glasses and tells Leapfrog that they don't know if Chase and Old Lace (omg, it rhymes. >_<) might not ever be coming back.

And meanwhile yet again… Karolina --- HOLY CRAP SHE'S SEXY --- is flying up to her boyfriend/girlfriend/itfriend who is attempting to salvage the Skrull ship thing. But "the cosmic drive was damaged beyond repair." It appears that Karolina and Xavin are stranded on Earth. Oh DARN!!! *jumps around for joy* DON'T EVER TAKE KAROLINA FROM ME AGAIN, BKV! DO YOU HEAR ME?

I find it really difficult to relate to Xavin when he's all like "How can the passing of a single girl begin to compare [to both our worlds being destroyed]?" while his fist is all flamey! And then there's the distraction of sexy Karolina in the background. That certainly doesn't help Xav's case.

K cites the Earth saying "One death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic." Word. Oh, seriously, word. But Xavin's all like, "Arithmetic, biotch! That's what your fingers are for, COUNTING!"

Karolina gets all blue. "So… you don't think you can ever be happy here?" *sends telepathic message to fictional character* go home go home go home but Xavin doesn't listen. "Of course I can, betrothed. You're my heart, my compass." Um, vomit?

Looks like my chances with Karolina are foiled once again, because she and Xavin make with the nice. "You would have liked [Gert]. She was grumpy and contrary on the surface, but underneath it all, she was just a sweet girl… like you." To which Xavin promptly gender shifts…


So Gert's a guy? Weeeeird collusion there.

Xavin wants to change the world, but only villains to that, the heroes to it one person at a time. And I suppose because of that exchange Karolina thinks she's changed Xavin for the better. I sure don't think so. Even comic book characters don't change that dramatically in the space of a few frames.

And now for something completely different… Cause who needs character development when we could have plot? *eyes dart* Or something.

Some guy is very pleased with his graffiti work. He's now made Captain America say "Only Dorkwads stay in school." That is infinitely clever. Oh yes. I wish I was that guy, just so I could bask in the glory of his mind. His friend calls him a "tagging prodigy" which I can only imagine is something one would want to be in the world of idiots spray-painting things on inspirational superhero posters.

An old guy in an antique shop (heh) tells them to get the hell away from there. (If Nico were here, she'd tell him to say "heck.") He even threatens to use his 'shotgun' on both of them, which we all know is only a euphemism for 'penis' which is why the boys run away so fast.

There's a retired Jedi in the shop (he left the force because kids have turned Los Angeles into worthless crap) holding a strange object. It's like a cachina doll from the Day of the Dead or something. Very skull-y.

Ex-Jedi says he got it from "that secret gang of evil L.A. super-fruits from the news a few months back. The Gay Pride or whatever?" OMG. THIS IS ME DEAD. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR. All those things I said before, Brian, about the flashback? I totally forgive you. You can totally have my firstborn again.

Old Man takes the skull thing in his hands and, because the Jedi uses his mind tricks on him, tells him what he wants, which happens to be… "I want to make everything be like it used to." Which is a hanging preposition. Did you even graduate high school?

Anyways, grammertard gets his just deserts because he goes "FWAASH" and then some weird language comes out. Jedi looks majorly freaked out.

Right on cue, Victor says "Uh oh."

"What are you listening to, Vic? 'Cause if you're the one who stole my Dazzler CD, I'm gonna karate-chop your face" says Molly, eyes a-glow. Oh seriously. I love this girl. I'm gonna use that line on the next person to piss me off. Someone piss me off in the comments, please, just so I can try it out!

Victor apparently has what I'd like to call Sara Sidle syndrome and has been listening to the police scanners in his free time. "Sounds like Starbucks just got smashed." (and millions of tiny coffee companies cheer world wide)

Nico: *looks hot* I think she says something, but honestly… *oogles*

Victor explains that it's ALL the Starbucks across L.A., all 154 of them. Of course, by the time this issue went to press, it was probably 164.

Molly is utterly pleased by this news. "Yes! It's cobblering time!" (not a typo, just MOLLY LOVE)

Nico's all "Let 'em burn!" but luckily Karolina and Xavin arrive (the Boobalicious Duo!) just in time to remind everyone that there are innocent customers and employees to be saved – and "the Caramel Macchiato may be your galaxy's finest achievement" so we wouldn't want to lose that!

But, oops, Chase is the only one who can fly Leapfrog.

Xavin brings up the point that the "house android" should know how to fly. [Note and slight spoiler: For those reading the Civil War: Young Avengers & Runaways title, I'm sure you've noticed the heightened distain that Xavin has for Victor. One source I read said that the crossover takes place after the three story "Dead means Dead" arc, so that would explain why Chase is with the group in CW and why Xavin's feelings are more pronounced than they are here.]

Victor says he can learn fast. But… according to the next page… not that fast. "AAAAHH!"


[People should not be afraid of their governments, governments should be afraid of The Runaways! Crossover with V for Vendetta—GO!]

Vic's gonna have to learn to fly the 'frog backwards fast cause there's a really crappy lookin gigantic monster RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM TEARING UP THE CITY. …

*blank look*

And one last "meanwhile": There's a familiar face (you know, if you're joining us from last issue). It's Lotus, from the "New Pride". Chase approaches her, switch blade out, looking particularly badass, and is all "My name is Chase Stein, you helped kill my girlfriend, prepare to die--- or rather… prepare to join my team."

To be continued… next month.
(or maybe next week I'll actually get around to writing a recap of the first two issues of the Civil War crossover.)
Dodge Between The Bulletszombology on August 18th, 2006 01:35 am (UTC)
I wonder just how often he's in his female form that seems to keep Karolina hanging around. He explains that he stays in his male form for the general public of their respective worlds in order to keep the same-sex marriage haters pleased, but now that they're on earth, he still uses his male form over the female one.

He's so not into the lesbian thing, and you can totally tell Karolina just goes "Eww" whenever Xavin is in his male form. This relationship better not last... is all I have to say... after I've said everything else.